Just Amazing.

Adele - Hometown Glory

KD lang - Hallelujah - The best I've ever heard. Period.

It's a wonder where I am now. I just feel so lost and suspensded in the middle of air. I can't help but feel this feeling of purposelessness. Why am I here? Why am I alive? I don't think I'll ever know.

Do I want to go home? Or do I want to be here? I can't even tell anymore. I wish life would be more fulfilling than it is now.

 Don't you hate it? when you've buried something so deep inside, and promised you'd never take it out again, and a year after, it rears it's ugly head once more. I can't seem to control these overwhelming feelings that consume me every single night. I don't want to be alone anymore, I need someone to hold onto at night, someone to know that I'm there and can offer me the exact same thing.

I've just realized how distant those feelings are now. Sitting down in an air conditioned class and mocking the teacher infront of us. Bugging Natalee, and she'd go "Ian, stop it and pay attention!". Falling asleep in Chem class and having Nat say "Ian, wake up!". It's sad how time has passed so fast, we can never get those moments back. No more sports day, no more complaining about school food, no more people who get you.

I've already mapped out my life from here on out, but there's just something inside me that wants to rip out of this body and do something far greater than what's possible. I don't want to be good, not just great, but I want to be amazing. Just, amazing.

Ian.