Thursday, July 30, 2009

We're all liars

No. I'm not talking about straight out lies that you tell to your mother, or your friends. Not little white lies, or even large ones. I'm talking about lies we tell ourselves every single moment of every single day. Emotions that we convince ourselves that aren't there. It's like there is an epidemic of confabulation in our culture today.

But culture was born from community, and hence, we can conclude that confabulation is formed from community. The things we do, the things we restrain ourselves from; nothing can be true-er than nietzche's internalization of man. All of us, just struggling beneath us, holding in back feelings that we want to just let go of. But Alas, we cannot; because we're scared - of the community, or the ridicule.

Nietzche once said that we as man have poisoned after being thrust into community. Our wants, our needs, repressed, and bad conscience is formed - that thing in you head that tells you to avoid doing things because it's not socially accepted, or in freudian terms, your superego. Why guilt? Why repression? Why can't we just let it out and act upon it.

It's a snowball effect, can't you see - the way we feel that "guilt" is there (when it is not.) others feel the same. As it spreads like a virus, the tendency of us to feel guilt after a certain action increases, and "ethical culture" is formed.

But it's all a delusion. I agree, that maybe, there is a line to be drawn when given the situation - you know, the typical, killing, raping, etc. I do agree that etiquette exists for a reason. But for the social guilt that are just plain stupid, like the delusion of stereotypes, should just die. Things like fat people are ugly, things like forbidden love, things like fear that hold us down.

That should stop.


That should stop.


Ian.


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Things I cannot stand about my friends

There are indeed just many things I cannot stand about my friends.

The way I get taunted from time to time because of the way I act.

The way they are unsupportive of what I do.


But by far, the thing I hate most about my friends, is the fact whenever I arrange something, hardly 50% show up. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because when ONE of them has some transportation problem, or simply just can't make it, or just doesn't FEEL like coming. The fucking stack of cards just falls. It's so effing annoying I tell you. "Oh I can't come" then after that, "Oh she's not coming? I don't wanna go either" then after that "Really ar? She's not going, I don't think I'm going too." Before you know it, you're left with half the people you invited and your faith in them is totally stirred because you no longer know what to believe in.

Yea, this is to fucking all of you.

People like Wong Fucking Gui Fen who's been blowing me off since I got back, fucking putting her friends before the guy that had been there for her for 5 fucking years. You heard me.
This was the last straw.

You are not my friend anymore.

Thanks for making it such a horrendous visit back to Malaysia.

May you contract some extreme form of a virus and just die.








- - - - - - - -

Let me add something. Pathetical idiots that attempt to turn it around and make it seem like i'm perverse can just go suck on one. I don't fucking act out unless someone gives me a reason to, and a fucking idiot like Wong Gui Fen has given me more than enough reason to act out.

once again.


Fucking annoyed,

Ian.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Camwhoring with Leon the Lion

When all else fails. Your lion never does.


In his flufffy arms


Intimacy or IN TO ME I SEE.




Peek a Boo



One of those "happy life" kinda picture :D

Swawk! Leon wants a cwacker

Making out :D


Reeanactment of the popular Robert Doisneau's picture. That used to hang up in Gaby's room.


I know, supah similar

What are you looking at?

Sometimes, I think I'm good enough for like, a movie poster thing D:
I could be LEOMAN




Don't you love dramatic this picture is?
It could be a GAP advertorial.

As a matter of fact..





























Yea. That's how Bored i was.


:D














Ian.

A very late post.


Someone graduated.

I'm sure some of you may remember Undarmaa, the eccentric mongolian girl my groupleader-come-best friend. Last semester was the semester she finally graduated. After 4 years of being in the university of Kansas, she finally graduated from the school of economics and political sciences. Yay for her.


Undarmaa infront of the people who discovered Helium. (They went to KU, apparently.)


Because me and Madhu (Sri Lankan friend.) were such great friends; and since Undarmaa had no real family there. (She apparenly told her parents to only come for her masters graduation -__-")

- End of post made a month ago.-


I really wish I had the rest of these pictures in these desktop. It's such a bother that the only thing on this desktop is Google Chrome, msn and Dota. I can't seem to continue anything I was doing post-coming-back-home simply because it's like, everything's temporary now; I don't know, it's like that feeling you get, when you're in the middle of the sea snorkeling, and you realize, that there's no solid ground, only corals on the seabed. Forlorness I guess.


Just to make it clear to you, I do have more pictures I wanted to use, but sadly I didn't upload them before I saved this post a month ago. Sad.


I remember that day fairly well though, Undarmaa's graduation. It was already the end of school, and I was staying at a friend's place; though, the night before the graduation I spent at Undarmaa's apartment, seeing as how it'd be easier to go to the graduation the next day.

KU has many traditions, and it was a pleasure to find out that there was a tradition for graduation too, a rather interesting (and long) one at that. There's like a field in the middle of KU, a humungous one, like an actual park you can walk in, and not far off, there's a football stadium (an EXTREMELY large one.), at the top of the hill, stands the campamille (or however it's spelt.) It's like a tall building filled with bells and such, I think I have it on one of my previous posts as I was discovering KU. Anyway, the the graduates are expected to walk through their campamille as a symbol of graduation. (Because, there's a belief that if you go through the campamille before you graduate, you won't graduate from KU.)

They through the campamille and down the extremely EXTREMELY long road towards the stadium for the ceremony. Parents and friends stand at the sides of the pathway and take pictures as they see their graduate walk down the path. Turns out, there were 2 pathways that the graduates were categorized under, college of liberal arts and the professional schools. Undarmaa, was in the school of liberal arts. Me, being such a fool, sat under the hot sun for 2 hours waiting to take her picture on the side of the OTHER pathway. I finally gave up, and only after the ceremony, did Undarmaa tell i was watching the wrong pathway. (Sigh.)

The whole thing finally ended after 5-6 long hours as we went for dinner at madhu's host parents' place; for dumplings!




Ian.

Time to post something.

I really hate posting without pictures. It brings so much more dullness to my blog. I mean, if I didn't update at all, this blog would be considered dead, atleast it wouldn't be dull, right?

You know what I realized? I realized that I have like 5 other incomplete posts that I have yet to post up on my blog, because of pure laziness. Yea, I should really get to that.

There's like only a month and a day left of summer, and I'm wasting it away by staying at home and getting fatter. I really let myself go these past few weeks. I hate fat. I don't want to be fat.

I think I have insomania, it's like, I've not been sleeping at all really. Sometimes, I make it all the way to 48 hours of no sleep. It's weird really, when you are given so much time, and truly nothing to do, you seem to have too much energy to even catch a wink of sleep. I mean it's that effect when you start using the computer - It's like you can never stop.

It's sad how all I do these days is just use my computer, sleep, dota, eat. The process repeats again and again. God. I feel impending doom. loom.

I SHALL MAKE A FULL POST TOMORROW.


I promise myself. (But then again, it's perverse the amount of times that I do not keep to my promises, oh well.)



Ian.