Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Chapter 17 - Naive Bitch


Today I decided something. To completely and utterly stop writing my book. Simply because I don't have the time and consistency to keep up with updating it everyday. Though, I realize this isn't favorable to my future, I feel that It's best that I concentrate in
school rather than writing 1-3 thousand words a day.

Despite that, I've decided that I shall update my blog more frequently. Hopefully in the style of which I wrote my book. Everything shall begin with a "Today I.." or "Tonight I.." because that forces me to think of a topic to write on. I may drift, endlessly, but that doesn't matter. Nothing really does anyway.



I shall also be posting a picture of myself everyday. Just because I have an awesome macbook and everyone else who doesn't have one sucks to the 10th power. I used to be skeptical upon the macbook abilities. But was I proven wrong when I got one. It's so far been the best 1600 USD I've spent of my parents money.

Don't smirk at me, dear reader. I know it's not very hard for you to be prejudice against me for spending my parents's money. I'm sure, that more than one of you out there will and are going to comment on how I'm entirely lazy and lucky because I don't have the ability or will to produce my own money. To an extent, that is very true. But then again, just because I have not been generating my own finances does not mean that I lack the prowess to find a good job.

I hate that notion. The idea that anyone spoilt doesn't have the ability to find a job. I'm certain at this point in my life, that much of this doubt comes from the anxiety of the poor. People who are bitter and sour from being dealt a bad hand in life. Thinking that they are superior whence compared to me or anyone that doesn't need to work hard for their money.

Arguably, yes. I would agree that a large majority of people who were spoilt as children, or never worked a day in their lives will lack a sense of reality in this world. Me, not being one of them. I, would like to point out that I, Ian Tan, Deviate strongly from the typical bunch of spoilt kids. I posses a much stronger will to live and work than most people. I would also argue that there are more than one of my kind. There are people out there, spoilt children, who hardly lack the prowess to succeed in life. People who are comparable to the people who "strived" to reach where they are today.

Though, that doesn't go to say that I lack respect for people who've worked hard in the past. But I will hold my stand on the idea of "spoilt children" forever more being unable to survive without a free source of cash. Because, that is a blanket statement. An extremely prejudice and jejune way to satiate one's own anxieties upon life.

However, I cannot say that I haven't met my fair share of spoilt children. I did go to a private school back in Malaysia. A Malaysian private school that boasts awe-inspiring facilities. That school molded me into the person I am today. Despite that being true, I have always and will always hate that school for not giving me the stepping stones I require to reach higher places. The accolades and ideal prizes have always been awarded to those who are most undeserving. People who didn't necessarily deserve them, but obtained them nonetheless due to how they look and the overall image they project. If I had a penny for everytime an award was given to a socio-pathologically retarded/disabled person, I, at this point in my life, dear reader, would be an extremely rich man.

For example, I knew this girl once. She has a pretty popular blog that I can't seem to find out why exactly remains popular. She used to look up to me as an idol of sorts, constantly praising my voice and how she wants to study me and learn my techniques. It was back in highschool when that happened. I though we were extremely good friends, even if it was on the surface level. At some point in time, about 4 months ago, I asked if she would help me with my music career by featuring one of my videos on her blog. A "plugin" if I may suggest, is the word. But she denied me. She completely and entirely turned me down. At first she agreed, though. She said she would. But as like many ethic-deprived child out there, she didn't hold to her word.

I confronted her a few months ago. Arousing her greatest fears and how she's never perfect. I like it when people put up a strong front, when I know that I'm breaking them down inside. Removing every last piece of their self confidence. Having them unknowingly die inside. People who constantly stay in denial, but yet show signs of distraught are my favorite kind. She was of that kind. She kept disregarding what I had to say to her online, but yet, she couldn't stop talking to me. In fact, the frequency of her replies increased as I repeatedly insulted her competency. I then threatened her in the end, telling her "just you wait." Though, I didn't do anything, that fear was suffice to say, my revenge.

People like her - lets give her a name Ms. CT. Simply to avoid defamatory laws - disgust me. People like her are the people who will never survive in this world. She's very rich. She's one of the people who cannot seem to not obtain an accolade from my said ex-private school every year. She's younger than me, and she shall forever remain more naive than me. However, dear reader, you are entitled your own opinion.

Oops, look, a link, to somewhere!?

Though, there are people that I know will succeed in life, despite their wealth. Natalee Tan, my ex-best friend simply exemplifies this. She's never really worked for the money she uses. Be that as it may, I still remember her telling me how she has worked for a short period of time in the past, for her dad, no less. Despite that, she never really worked a day in her life. She doesn't know the twists and turns of job hunting, or anything of the sort. But by her character alone, I know, as spoilt as she may be, she has an extremely bright future. She does things that people like Ms. CT would never do, she steps out of the box and doesn't mind being real every once in awhile. She's not plastic. Not at all. Even if she is, she will never be anything even remotely close to Ms. CT.

Plastic. I spit on you.

Some of you may very well think, I am writing this out of spite. To tell the truth, yes I am writing this out of a slight spite for Ms. CT. She doesn't have any respect for her friends, and in turn, many of the people she thinks are close to her do not even truly like her. I've talked to so many of her friends, and they all agree with me that they would prefer nothing more than to punch Ms. CT in the face and cuss upon her the cruel words she deserves.

You.
Are.
Useless.

Because it is the truth. However much of an Icon she has become. She will never attain the level of maturity of many of us. Her body will grow, but her mind will remain that of a child. Unless she learns and repents for her wrong doings. Though, I don't hope for anything of the sort from her. I'd really rather preferred that she simply disappears from the face of the earth. It is people like Ms. CT that inspire me to a misanthrope.

misanthrope |ˈmisənˌθrōp; ˈmiz| (also misanthropist|misˈanθrəpist|)
noun
a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society.

I won't deny that I'm naive. I am, in most of aspects of life. But I atleast, I understand that I know nothing. I don't push the fact that I make use of frivolous ideals. I don't push the fact that I have so much money I can buy clothes and "inspire" others to buy them too, with my extremely plastic blog. I don't push the fact that I'm tenfolds more lucky that the average person.

I hope Ms. CT, at some point in her life, realizes how little she knows in this world. I hope that maybe one day, her parents's money depletes and she's left with nothing. For unlike people like me or Natalee Tan, the only thing she'll ever learn is how to point a camera and shoot in the right places. Though, photography may be a lucrative career, the only pictures she'll ever be taking are vain ones that even the most shallow of people will find amateur.

Today I decided something. Despite that 'something' being some insignificant. That 'something' is some thing that people like Ms. CT will never decide or achieve in life. And in that, I feel pity for people like her.


Ian.


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