Sleepless Nights

Oh night, how I loathe thee,
How you turn the silence into your weaponry,
How you playfully taunt me.

The silence, It looms,
it unsettles my heart,
Pierces my soul,
Like Art.

Blinded, I am,
in this dark little room,
as emotions fly by,
that spell doom.

Those nights I had,
Your voice enticed,
Seduced my every whim,
You were my vice.
My bad habit that wouldn't go away,
The call that I'd wait for,
Every;
Single;
Day.

Why do i commune in such verses,
With poetry like curses,
That leaves me so emotionally raw,
Vulnerable to the the world,
As I thaw.

Oh Sleepless nights,
Just leave me,
For left alone,
Is all I want to be.



Ian

This is where I die.

I'm sorry I've been posting alot of poems lately. Have been rather moody about life and future and crap. I'll promise I'll blog sometime later about the Jon McLaughlin Concert. Soon.

This road right here,
So hard and firm,
Is where I will die and bleed and burn.
as I feel the spikes pierce my skin,
As the walls of my heart grow thin.

The flames the envelop me,
In a ring of death,
where fiery imps, elephants and juxtaposes,
dance as they would at a fair,
around and around they go,
as my skin scorches so.

Why'd you leave me here to die?
You ran so quick,
in a blink of an eye.
"I have to go, I can't stay here,

You're a lost cause, my dear."

After I tried,
So bloody hard,
To make you feel better,
You and your broken heart.

I guess it makes sense,
That you do not even care,
It makes sense that words so hurtful,
causes me so much despair.
It makes sense that your arrogance,

is parallel to your incompetance.

I shall die now,

In hatred and distraught,

thinking of you, my love,

and my souls is taken,

from this spot.

Ian

I'm sorry I haven't been posting. I will, soon.

Where are you?

I'll wait by this window everyday,
and watch the flowers grow;
and watch the vines climb higher and higher,
as they kiss my window sill.

I'll wait and feel the summers breeze,
rubbing against my cheeks,
for a thousand years, it wouldn't matter,
I'd wait and wait and wait.

I'll wait and brace through the storms,
the snowfall and the dawns,
and watch flowers die and bloom,
as I wait here in my room.

It could be a month, a year, a century,
but I wouldn't care,
for your arrival is all that fills my heart,
and eliminates my despair.

Where are you?
My Love,
I'll wait for you here.
I'll wait for you through thick and thin,
until you appear.

I'll wait by this window everyday,
as history repeats,
death, life and everything,
they mean nothing to me.



Ian

Oh. My. GOD.

Oh. My. Fucking. (Sorry.) God.

Ian's top four.

James Morrison
Jason Mraz
John Mayer
Jon McLaughlin


Ben Goering, if you're reading this right now. If you bring me to this thing. I'm going to be the eternally, ETERNALLY, grateful.

Or KP, but she doesn't read my blog.

I'm going to go kill myself now. Super happy. I hope!


Ian

It's that time of the year again.

When the lonely get lonelier and the sad get sadder. When you watch a couple hold hands down the street and damn the creation of Valentines day.

A empty metal heart I made out of paper clips. I really need to get a life :S

I personally hate Valentines. "I bet you're just saying that cause you don't have anyone right now to celebrate it with". Call me unreasonable, but it IS for that reason that I think Valentines is such a horrible holiday. I mean, why even create a holiday that's only there to make entire single population feel left out or alone.

Fine, if you want a Valentines. But in the defence of the single people, shouldn't there be a "Singles day"? I mean, It would only be fair to make 'em lovers feel left out for once. Once again, so unfair.

Apparently there's a whole history behind valentines day. But to cut to the chase and sparing all of you the need to stare into a pink background attempting to read squiggly little words that are in bright font. Here's the gist of it.

There have been many Saint Valentines/Valentinuses in the past. Apparently they all did something Valiant, (Valentines in greek = Valor). But skipping all that crap about the other dead Valentines. The most important one was a Christian priest named Saint Valentinus that defied the laws of the Romans and continued marrying people incognitto style. He was caught, and sentenced to death. In the late 5th century, Emperor Gelasius declared February 14th a holy day in honor of Valentinus.


It's such a crapped-up holiday. Where you spend a bagillion dollars (Not a real numerical number) on chocolates, candies and roses. When sometimes you don't even know if the person you're giving it to will appreciate it or not. It's so commericialized, sometimes I feel that the whole meaning of the holiday has been lost in the translation.


My poor broken Ipod earphones. They slipped off my desk one night and ended up getting crushed by my chair. Hillarious. Not. I went to the Kansas Union to pick up a new pair, 9.99 USD. Yes, I'm cheap. I'm Asian! give me a break.

I woke up at like 7.30 today attempting to rush-read 4 modules cause I skipped out on studying last night. Instead, I took a detour downtown with Katelynn and co.

"You're so irresponsible Ian!"

Well, thank you for poiting out the obvious. But prior to going downtown, I hung out with some of my Asians, or atleast, by blood asians around McCollum and The Studio



The table design at The Studio. Pretty cool if you ask me.

That reminds me. I haven't really introduced you to some of the people I'm acquainted with nowadays. Here are some of those I find really cool and friend-worthy.

- - - - - Friend File A - - - - -

Specimen 1.1 - The Nigelius Gilbertius. (Nigel Gilbert.) This Indian dumbass is the guy I hang out with the most. It's mostly because he was the first ever REAL friend I made when I came to KU. We do everything together, and we have alot of racial banter. It's a little unhealthy, but ngeh. He makes dumb comments from time to time, but it's always forgiveable. But even though we get into quarrels sometimes, we still remain really close friends. (Well, as close as friends of 2 months can get.)



Specimen 1.42b - The Si-us Yihongus (A.k.a. Yi Hong.) A girl I met not very long ago. Room mate to Undarmaa. She's a China mainland girl with a heavy chinese accent. She tends to get very unreasonable sometimes, but come on, girls are always unreasonable. (*braces for impact.*) Someone *cough* had a crush on her awhile back, I don't really know if that worked out well, but, I guess I'll find out soon.



Specimen 1.214x - The Nikkius Somethingus (Nikki, something!) Ex-Girlfriend of the Nigilius Gilbertius. Don't know her very well, but she's a pretty cool person. I mean, just look at her eyes. Can you do that? :O I sure can't. She was just coincidentally there when I had my camera. She's pretty camera shy.

Specimen X-2 Oscarus Lu-us (Oscar Lu.) An American born Chinese (an A. B. C.). There's actually whole story behind him, but I'm not getting into that. He's a little naive, but a little ian-corruption can change that very much. He's a very nice guy, but he needs to get out more, he can be surreal at times. But when it comes down to it, he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.


Specimen 21.8434-XXX Tanus Verinaus (a.k.a. The Awesome.) He's so awesome, when he walks into a room, girls gets orgasms. He's so awesome. The moon blushes when he smiles. He's so awesome, he pwnz you. Moo.

Specimen 2.1b Renee (no scientific name.) This unknown species walked out from man's primordial ooze billions of years ago and still unable to be identified, or categorize into any known genus or species. Only known as a female sex of her type, alot of questions remains about Renee. All I know is, she works at the dining hall sometimes and is a pretty cool person. :P

Specimens 1.9 and 1.91 The Xia and the Nik. (No scientific name.) - Similar to Renee, they remain unidentified. They're part of the "group" (see pg. 2414 - The anatomy of the ian.). Basically, thier the ones I hang out with from time to time. Nik is an american born Indian and Xia is an american born Chinese. If you can't indentify who's who. You are phail.

- - - - - - - - - - -

A result of overly lengthy Genitalia.

Anyway, we stuck around a little while at McCollum. Eventually, I left them at the Studio cause of my utter boredom. Headed back as Katelynn Invited me out to Hookah that night.



Hookah is Shisha for those of you who're Un-americanly educated.

- - - - - Friend File B - - - - -

Specimen 2.8b Katelinus Poorus (Katelynn Poore. ) One of the friendliest and funnest people I've met up to date. We've been texting unstoppably lately as we have become pretty tight. She's seriously a person you'd want to know, kind, good hearted, deep-cleavaged. I haven't know her for very long, but I would like to, very much.



Specimen 3.2x Hanboooooooooh (Yu Han Bo.) An American cultured Chinese from China. He is so funny sometimes, he reminds me a little bit of Paul ( A friend back in Malaysia.) The funniest thing happened thursday night at the hookah bar. He was convinced to come along to the Hookah bar and he decided to do work there. But when he got there, he realized, that the most important part of his work, he left at home. Very smart. ( That was sarcasm.) But that aside, he's an extremely nice person. Some people say I look like, or remind people of him.

Specimens 4.1 and 4.2 (4.2 is one the right.) 4.1 - Benjaminus Goeringus and 4.2 Alius (Benjamin Goering and Ali.) Basically, everyone in Americas' all round nice. They're helpful, they're polite. Ben is above that average. I met Ben awhile back at a frat party. Ben lives on my floor in my dorm. The weird thing was, I didn't know he lived on the same floor until I saw it on his Facebook. It was weird I didn't run into him at all whilst I was at templin. His girlfriend, Gaby is too one of the very nice people that I met at the frat party, and discovered lived on our floor. Ben's a really nice guy to be friends with.

Ali works at the Hookah House. He's from Saudi Arabia, the last I heard. He's always very welcoming as we step into the Hookah bar, he plays the drums as the night plays on, it creates a very arabic ambiance to the Hookah House. He's also in my Psych 104 class.

They are both, very cool people.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, after heading the the hookah bar. Hani, another worker and a really cool guy at the Hookah bar invited KP (Katelynn) to Neon, this club behind mass street. I asked if I could come along. So, after the Hookah house, me, ben and KP walked over to Neon for some dancing and drinks.

If you're 21 and below, you get a cross in marker on your hand saying "No drinks for you!" My hand looks very fat in this picture. Sadly. :( *thinks about removing*)

The Bottleneck/Neon

Neon was fun. I didn't dance alot, but it was enough to get the blood pumping. I guess it was cause of the lack of alcohol before dancing. Ben played the role of the gentleman as he volunteered to stay back and watch our coats and sweaters. I definately liked it more than The Axis. The whole layout is different, but very nice to be in.

The clubs here are pretty strict on alcohol, sadly. Clubs here close at 2. It was 2.10 as me, ben and KP sat next to a window, all of a sudden, the bouncer came along and told us it was time for us to go. There was like, half a cup of rum and coke left in Ben's cup. I was like "can I finish that", and he said "no, it's already 2 and you're sitting next to the window."

It wouldn't have taken me an hour to finish half a glass of rum and coke.

I got back home that night, a little bit nauseous. I went to sleep at 5, and woke up the next morning at 7.30. Rushing to study for my psych test. Which I clearly didn't need. But a little more information never hurt anybody.



Happy Valentines, everybody.


Ian - Valentines? NOOOOOOOOOO.

- Queue dramatic music

Foreword: NAT?! Why are you never on Skype at the discussed time. You Boob


Howdy Doody Everybody. How's everybody doing? Fine? Oh? Really? Are you sure about that? Do you want to take sometime before you answer that question. Done yet? Yea, I knew that. God, you people suck!

Result of Ian's abundance of free time. A tribute to my bestest friend in the whole wide world that's now suffering somewhere in the middle of Suck ass world. :( HANG ON NAT! I'll save you.

I was so bored I actually took Paperclips and tweaked and bent each letter of "Nat & Ian" one would think It doesn't take too much time to do that, but one is wrong. You won't believe how hard it is to do this when your hand is sweaty and you need to create just a little bend for the letter "A". Try it, it's hard mind you.

Recycled Paper Clips! Their like 89 cents at Walmart. The Jusco of America, only bigger.


But seriously though, life isn't THAT dull. I mean, It's duller. The only thing that has been filling my head for the past like 4 days were bio bio bio, and now that that's over, it's psych psych psych. Midterms are already here! can you bloody believe it? I mean, I guess this is how Americans study. Weird if you ask me.

My bio paper and my Bio textbook. The bio text book is really weird, it's like you have provide your own large 3-ring binder. Thank god one of my friends had an extra.


I've realized one thing while here in America. A lot of Americans, not all, are pretty dumb. I mean seriously. I walked out of the Bio test thinking I did extremely extremely bad, and I didn't really have a sense of logic for a lot of the questions. I walked out, went to the bus stop and waited for the "McCollum" bus, which I always do every mondays, wednesdays and fridays. (on tues and thurs I make it an point to walk back. Exercise much.) Anyway, there I was, standing and feeling terrible under the hot sun. Then I overheard some Americans talking.


Before I go on, here's the question in relevance.

Which of one is a situation that explains potential energy?
A. The warmth of a cat on your lap
B. A ball that has been thrown
C. The glow of a heated pan
D. Buttered toast.

"It's obviously the heated pan" said an American. "No, no, the cat may jump off at any time!" said American 2.0. "Hey, but I chose the ball being thrown." Says a female American. I mean, ain't the answer obvious? I don't know what to say. Well, you be the judge.



The amazing view over KU I get everyday beyond those blinds.

Did I mention how AMAZING KU's scenary is? I mean, it's like a dream everyday walking to class. But the weather is abit erractic as I've mentioned in the previous posts. But lately it has been dry and windy alot, very nice weather. It's like you could just jump and the wind would take you away, the best thing is always that just right wind hitting the cheeks of your face. I can imagine falling asleep sometimes as I lean on a wall.


There was a harvest moon the other night. It was so cool, an orange moon, I don't know if anyone else witnessed it, but it was soooo cool. Too bad the picture was a little blur in the night.


The sunset here is amazing too. The sky turns into layers of colours It's really a delight to walk like 7 blocks back to my Dorm. Sometimes, atleast.

Today was a pretty boring day, yet again, my need to sleep has caused me to miss a class. (This doesn't happen that frequently, but it does.) It's sad the way I can't resist my need to sleep. This is how it normally goes.

A night prior to my 9 a.m. class, I set my alarm to 7 a.m., then I set my phone alarm to 7.10, 7.20, 7.30, 7.40 etc, just to make sure I actually wake up. The next morning, the alarm rings at 7, i pick it up, turn it off, then I go back to sleep. The same thing happens to my phone, and again, and again, and before I know it, it's 9 a.m. and it's too late to get to class. :(

Urk, I can't go on missing classes, i'm really trying for a 4.0 this semester at least. Thank god I'm doing well in my other classes. The next exam that's coming is psych, and I haven't really picked up a book! Well, I have, but I can't seem to study knowing bio is behind me and my psychology comprehension is pretty good. But I should study... ... right?

The hallways of Fraser. The psych building. I went there today for the Psychology Review at 5. Just pretty much sat there and while people asked questions and I just soaked up all the information for this friday :P

Did I mention I love psych! :D the other day our teacher brought in an actual brain to class. You don't see that everyday. Apparently, the brain is toxic, if you touch it with your bare hands, you'd get poisoned. But at a low rate, or so they say. Didn't really get pictures of it though.


The University of Kansas daily - Sports.


Sports is a big thing here in KU. For those non-KU students, last year, KU was nationwide top in basketball. I didn't really know that when I got to America. Apparently, theres this Rivalry thing going on with MU, University of Missouri. We just lost a game to Missouri, and for some reason, I felt really sad for some reason, even though I've only been here for awhile. It's as if my pride had been ripped out when I heard we lost to Mizzou :(


Oh, I found something at Frasers today. The toilet had a flusher ON THE GROUND D: Isn't that like effin revolutionary? :D

The urinals here are like so retro. I mean, the buildings here are so old and shiz, the toilets match that age. The urinals are largely exposing. That's why you can almost never see 2 guys peeing in those urinals at once. I think?


Urk, I have to study nao =( Stupid test.


I bet you can't guess how much my guitar costs :P




Ian - Living the dream

Tuesdays with Undarmaa

I know, it's going to come at me soon enough.

"That's so cheesy Ian!"

For those illiterates out there, I was trying to be lame and made my own version of "Tuesdays with Morrie" But fret not, I assure you, I won't be copying any the incidences that happened in that book.

Note to reader : Natalee can't use Xanga, or Msn, only skype. She's moved to herself to her blogspot account

http://nataleetan.blogspot.com

Everyone say "Hi" to Undarmaa."

No offence intended whatsoever, but she has one of the weirdest names that I have EVER come across. I'm sure the fact that she's Mongolian explains it. If I'm not wrong, her full names' Undarmaa Praenlei or rather, undraa for short. It's actually a very weird relationship. When I came to KU, we had this orientation thing for the international check in. If I haven't already mentioned this - I think I did - but my orientation class was composed of 80% mainland china chinese, and god, were they chinese! So we were split into groups, they were named after different aspects of KU, like "Blue", "Rockchalk" or "Free State". Personally was directed to the Crimson group, of which, Undarmaa was the leader of. it's so sad that our emblem is just a red rectangle. I mean.. Seriously! That's just retarded.

Did I mention? I stood out the most, as always, during the group meetings! :D If you don't believe me, ask Undarmaa.

Me and Undarmaa were pretty close after that, after Nigel, she's one of the people I can really count on at times. In addition, she's almost as sick as Natalee, a totall innocent yet incognitto horny type of person, just like Nat. She's more of a mixture of our very own tiny little Ch'n Wen and Natlaee. For the past 2 weeks, it just so happened that we have this gap of time between 11pm-1pm on tuesdays and thursdays, so we always find ourselves making friendly dates to have lunch with one another. She's so awesome, we gossip lots and insult people behind their backs. Feels like the old days.

The Underground - A place located beneath Wescoe Beach. Why Wescoe Beach I hear you ask? Well, because apparently during the fall they bring real sand and smother the ground with it, and decorate it beach-like. Hence, Wescoe Beach.

I've noticed my lifestyle here has taken a dramatic change. i actually go to many more parties than I ever did back home. Plus parties here are just plain fun cause there's almost always booze and the people are always way nicer than back home.

My Rm 12.90 watch (Around 4 USD.) My dad actually offered to buy me a much more expensive watch, but I refused, knowing something like this would happen. I didn't know how it got so beat up, must have been the partay last friday.

What's more dramatic is the fact that now I have to settle my own meals. You don't really know how much food costs until you actually use your own money to buy it! I swear, it sickens me to bring out money and pay for stuff! It sucks when back home you can just grab something from the fridge. To make it worse, everything's more expensive, a meal easily costs 28 malaysian ringgit. That's enough for me to go to TGI's!


My secret stash of food under my bed. Thanks to my parents for sending a care package to me. Though there are many things that I can't really eat, cause they need to be cooked, the effort is touching.

My staple diet is: Ramen Noodles. I've been guzzling them non-stop. Urk, I wish I had some real food without the need to pay a big bill. Speaking of big bills, I can just imagine the money I'm gonna spend shopping for wear-ables All the stuff I have now is fine and dandy and shiz, but my things are starting to deter! There's actually a hole in my jeans that I wear daily! To make it worse, this large hole is located on the backside, right on my left ass cheek of my jeans! So many people have went "Hey ian.. you know.. you have a hole in your jeans." *Feels irked*.


Just look at my beloved converse sneakers! Theres a hole in the right one! I kind of.. used tape to tape the inside and outside. I know, damn smart right? I feel like a poor man.

The fact that my classes are 1010203012020 billion miles away doesn't actually help alot. I mean my classes can be as far as 20 minutes away. It may seem like not such a long time, and "Ian! there are buses you know?". But consider the fact that some buses only comes at certain times, and most of the time the buses are packed cause everyone's rushing to jayhawk blvd, and the fact that I have to walk there and walk back alot! =( It's taking a toll on my poor shoes!

I was walking today and I just snapped a picture of this. Can you believe it? Campus actually has a MILLITARY school. Like wtf right? You can actually see people dressed up in uniform walking around school. No offence, but it makes me want to go "Like Seriously?"

What irks me more than anything else is the fact that the first Mid-Term is coming up soon, and I'm not very well prepared for. Homework's piling up. It's not like I don't finish em periodically, it's just that as the semester progresses, more and more work is due. What's more is the fact that I need to do 11 credit hours for psych to even pass the class. 11 credit hours = being a labrat for other psychologist.

Prepare for Midterm - Online Prescreen - MATH! - English essay / Psych Signup / Read English! / 511 Fraser Feb 11 2 -3 (2 credit hours) / 0123702090 (Nat's number - tried calling her for her birthday.)

I don't know if you guys already know about this, but since me, genna and Nat are far away in 3 different countries, we decided to be very unoriginal and create our very little own "Sisterhood of the traveling pants" scenarion. As you can see. This is the product.

I can't seem to write anything without stopping. I think it's the fact that my hands get so weak after getting so used to typing instead of taking down notes. I kind of wish there was a way to just type on the notebook. Would be so much less tiring. Pasted something gruesome in there last night, Genna and Nat, you'll have to find out what! May the sexually explict story telling begin!

Oh, I just realized that I had this in my stash. It's a mini tabasco sauce. I like use it everyday for virtually everything I eat, because It adds so much flavor. Boo to america for not having Chilly Padi! (small chillies that would blow your minds out, yes that's you, American :D )




Regards,


Ian - Action Potential (I bet you don't know what that is.)