I'm here now, finally in America and all settled down. Though, I totally hate the fact tomorrow's the start of school again. I used to like school; it's like the thrill of it has totally fluttered away.
Something's wrong with me again; It's like that lingering feeling on emptiness is looming about once more. It's not because I don't have someone to love; nor is it because I don't like my current lifestyle - I was talking to Undarmaa like an hour ago, and for some reason it just hit me, my life means nothing.
I mean, what are you going to get out of school? Work? FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? It's so bullshit how life is set up like that. I was initially looking forward to working; but now, I don't really think so. Those suicidal feelings are crawling back ever so slowly - I won't do it of course, I never will, plainly because I'm such a pussy.
I just wish there were more meaning to life. Like something to cling on to to make me feel real for once. I don't want anymore drama or heartache. I just want to feel like I'm worth something; It's really too bad I don't have the image to be a very famous singer.
Genna, Nat, I miss you guys so much. Like, unreasonably much. I wish we could revert back to high school days when everything was so simple; monotonous, but simple. Not saying I totally can't cope with life right now; I just think there should be a better way to live life.
I need closure damnit.
Ian.
Something's wrong with me again; It's like that lingering feeling on emptiness is looming about once more. It's not because I don't have someone to love; nor is it because I don't like my current lifestyle - I was talking to Undarmaa like an hour ago, and for some reason it just hit me, my life means nothing.
I mean, what are you going to get out of school? Work? FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? It's so bullshit how life is set up like that. I was initially looking forward to working; but now, I don't really think so. Those suicidal feelings are crawling back ever so slowly - I won't do it of course, I never will, plainly because I'm such a pussy.
I just wish there were more meaning to life. Like something to cling on to to make me feel real for once. I don't want anymore drama or heartache. I just want to feel like I'm worth something; It's really too bad I don't have the image to be a very famous singer.
Genna, Nat, I miss you guys so much. Like, unreasonably much. I wish we could revert back to high school days when everything was so simple; monotonous, but simple. Not saying I totally can't cope with life right now; I just think there should be a better way to live life.
I need closure damnit.
Ian.
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