Once again.

Another very inappropriate time to dive into some blogging.

T-minue 2 hours till exam time, and I'm not 3/4 ready.

But anyway.

Isn't it amazing how alcohol makes things so much better? I mean, i have to admit, I was very very very very very very very anxious last night. It was mostly attributed to the whole boy mess that I created to myself. Usually, it would take me a really long time to get over something like that.

But it was weird this time.

I took 2 shots of McCormicks before I started studying at like 3. (Kind of why I am where I am now.) and everything became clear again.

It was like someone hit the reset button within me and now my feelings are null again.

I thought of the negatives while I was drunk.

I guess it was like a state-like memory thing.

It's said you remember details of a situation better if you are in that same state again.

and I remember when I first saw him,

I was drunk then.

I realized why I didn't really bother in the first place.

because he was shallow,

and that one night blinded me from what was set right before me.

He just gave off such a shallow image,

that that one night at his place made me feel like as if he had a soul.

Maybe he does,

I'm actually very sure he does.

But not as much as I would really like in a person.

I'm not really trying to be arrogant in anyway here.

But given my bhuddist background, materialistic things have so far become unimportant to me.

I've learned that nothing is more important than one's belief in oneself,

or the strength of one's heart.

But I saw nothing of that in him that one night,

and my intuition was probably spot on.

Hence. I have come to a conclusion in my brain and my heart.

It was all an illusion.

and henceforth, I shall just remain his friend,

that is, if he would consider taking me.

Though,

I'm not exactly the friendliest person around.

Ian.