So, there's this boy,

I've never really talked about a guy on my blog before. But I really don't care anymore.

So I met this guy. He's the most sophisticated, smart, handsome, and most importantly mature guy I've met for awhile. We met about 3 months ago at a party. I was ignored the entire night, he didn't even bat an eye at me, it seemed like he hated me.

About a week ago, I started talking to someone who knew him online. She posed this whole stunt so that this guy could text me, and he did, at like 3am in the morning, I was just playing magic cards, all was right. Turns out, he was just shy at the time.

Then at about 4am, he asked me over. Me, being the liberal douchebag I am, agreed, just because I thought he was that hot. We spent about an hour drinking wine (I was gulping it down.) and talking. It was, for me, a very very good experience to meet a guy I could connect with. I can't with most guys, it's weird.

I slept with him that night, drunk and inebriated.

Then the next few days was weird. I needed closure, I tried texting him, he never texted back. I tried talking to him on facebook, he didn't really reply. I was angry. I really, really needed closure.

At some point, I got a text saying that he was working all day and night and had really no time for socialization. I really doubted it to be the case, it doesn't take a lot of effort to return a text.

I became obsessed. Facebook opened up a whole new path to stalking, I looked at all his pictures, his videos, his wall. I felt like a complete and utter creep. It didn't end there, I continued trying to text him, he didn't really seem that interested in me.

he wasn't at all. Turns out.

I wasn't "mean" enough for him. He judged me on the first impression I gave. Just because I seem like a softy on the outside doesn't mean that I have no constitutions or thoughts of my own. I do, and I always will, and I'm way meaner than he thinks.

But that was the excuse he gave me.

But that's really never an excuse to give anyone. I thought he would have been straightforward, but he wasn't.

I guess it was mainly my fault for trying to get in so deep so quick. I just have a tendency to open myself up to people. I went even so far to even write him a song. Don't get me wrong, i'm not THAT much of a creeper. I write songs in less than 5 minutes, and he just inspired me to write a song. That must have creeped him out. It wasn't his fault though, I'm just Ian that way.

I imagined myself with him so much in the past week. Sickly delusions of having him in my arms and such, when I know a guy like that would never really like me back. He just seemed like the perfect example of a guy that I would date in my head.

But what can I do? When I don't have the ability to keep my feelings inside.

I feel really bad now, like I've been torn apart, when I shouldn't be. I feel used. I feel like a booty call. (a not very good one at that.) Why did I kid myself all this time?

Proves that I probably will never find somebody to love.

Just because I always expect the same amount that I invested in return. I always invest too much, so no person would ever be able to give me that much back in return.

I thought he was amazing. Everything I want, and always wanted in a guy.

Most guys I come across aren't even my type.

But he is my type.

But he doesn't give a fuck if I live or die.

so.

I'm making a revelation.

I shall learn from someone I once knew, Wui Yang, and detach myself from any need of a relationship.

I don't need a guy that doesn't appreciate me for who I am.

or a guy that doesn't care enough to text me.

or a guy who's sole intention when engaging a guy is lust.

I'm sick of the immature retards out there who can't seem to comprehend any communal ethics;

I'm sick of the people who are just so selfish.

That night meant more to me than to him.

It's not his fault.

It's all mine, and mine alone.

I'm done.

Ian.